Hitchhiker's Guide to iNsAniTY... do panic!

© Touchstone Pictures

Title:
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (C)
PH Release Date:
June 22, 2005
Actors:
Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel, Bill Nighy, Alan Rickman
Director:
Garth Jennings
Based on the Book by:
Douglas Adams
Screenplay:
Douglas Adams and Karey Kirkpatrick
Editor / Music:
Niven Howie / Bernie Leadon and Joby Talbot
Design / Photography:
Joel Collins / Igor Jadue-Lillo
Producer:
Gary Barber et al.
Studio:
Touchstone Pictures


© Touchstone Pictures

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.”

What can be worst than having your humble home bulldozed? The end of the World! This is exactly what happened to Arthur Dent (Fremman), good thing his friend Ford (Def) sorta knows his way across the universe, with a little help from a hitchhiker’s book. Just when Arthur thought that life as he knows it is over, he finds out that the oddly-named Trillian (Deschanel) is alive. However, things are meant to be not smooth-sailing especially when the egotistic brain-dead self-kidnapped President of the Universe (Rockwell) is hanging around with you on a stolen ship. Will Arthur and the rest of the gang survive to find out the truth about life and everything else, even if they don’t have the anti-depressant to treat Marvin the paranoid android?


© Touchstone Pictures

If you’re gonna ask me what I think about the movie a minute after I’ve seen it, I would have given two simple words to describe it all to you ----- IT SUCKS! This is the worst movie I’ve seen this year, and I’m not exaggerating. Not because the story or the screenplay sucks but because it wasn’t given the due respect it deserves for being such a wonderful book (not that I’ve read it… wahhee). I’m judging by the lines I heard from the movie, a lot of them, with much better execution, would be anything but a far cry from brilliance.

So generally, the movie didn’t suck as much. The story and screenplay is promising. Potential was never a question with this one. Normally, I would have loved this movie. There were tons of good lines and catchphrases to feast on. British comedy isn’t exactly my fetish but I love the way they can make a fool out of themselves without appearing too conscious. They’re naturally silly and I admire that about them. This one is as imprudent and unruly but as a movie in its entirety, it didn’t come across as such.


© Touchstone Pictures

The direction should take most of the blaming. He’s terribly out of his element. This guy should be directing MYX, or something that does not require him to actually think, conceptualize, characterize or in plain terms, direct. The movie was as off-key as William Hung, the only difference? The latter is actually funny.

If I was a fan of the book, or at least if I have read the book, I would have been terribly disappointed. I really don’t know what happened to Douglas Adams and he allowed this movie to be released despite such Paris Hilton-slim resemblance to his works brilliance, oh I’m sorry, Lara Flynn Boyle-slim (again, I haven’t read the book… wahehe).


© Touchstone Pictures

The effects and production design of the movie was so 80’s sitcom. ET never looked as dreary as this one, ugly maybe, but monotonous; no. Good thing, Marvin the paranoid android was such a pleasure to watch and if he seemed tedious in any way it’s because the character calls for it. The sound wasn’t too fabulous as well, but I did love the song. And oh, the animation was good.

Aside from the hideous direction, the acting comes in second in our to-blame list. I mean, who are these crazy Brits? Mos Def looked like that guy from Top of the Pops. Martin Freeman is in no way as good as Martin Sheen or Morgan Freeman. Zooey Deschanel, she’s that girl from Britney’s movie, not much improvement if you ask me. And Sam Rockwell just took his name out from my hotlist with his own bare futile hands. The only performance worth raving for was Alan Rickman’s. And you wouldn’t even get a glimpse of him. It’s crazy how he’s the one who wasn’t there but who’s actually in there. All his lines were right on the money, I never thought of him as a comedian, he proved me wrong.


© Touchstone Pictures

If you’re in any way planning to see this flick, I’m telling you now to change your plans. This movie does not deserve to be seen by any normal human being, and by normal I mean, those with actual brain. I gotta be cruel to be kind, cuz it’s the only way I can save you from nearly two hours of torture, believe me, it almost killed me. It’s not the type of movie you’d like to be associated with. After seeing it, you’ll say exactly the same thing I uttered before leaving the cinema--- “so long and thanx for nothing!”

Grading Sheet:
Story – 15%
Screenplay – 14%
Direction / Execution – 10%
Acting – 13%
Technical Aspect – 13%
Total: 65% = C