Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Disaster

Title:
The Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement (B-)
PH Release Date:
Aug. 25, 2004
Actors:
Anne Hathaway, Julie Andrews, John Rhys-Davies, Heather Matarazzo, Hector Elizondo
Director:
Gary Marshall
Story & Screenplay:
Based on Characters created by Meg Cabot; Story & Screenplay by Shonda Rhimes
Editor / Music:
Bruce Green / Tom Debney
Design / Photography:
Albert Brenner / Charles Minsky
Producer:
Debra Martin Chase, Whitney Houston, Mario Escovich
Studio:
Walt Disney

Just when I thought that good writers could now write good sequels, this movie comes parading on my face. This overly acted, predictably written, and boringly made film has once again proven that some movies are better left alone.
Princess Mia, the character we loved 3 years ago (but it was 6 years later in this film), has finally finished college, and is on her way to assume the crown as Queen of Genovia, but of course, it will not be easy, for a member of the parliament says that his nephew who’s a legitimate heir to the crown shall assume it, and it was decided that if Mia doesn’t get married in less than 30 days (who will survive), she forfeits her right to the crown, and our not so little Mia will find a way to get that crown, and will she get it? I’ll kill if you said no!
Gary Marshall is a good director, I’ve always admired his work and his ability to make the audience feel good when you watch his movies, but this time, I was upset and I couldn’t believe that I was really watching a Marshall flick, cuz it doesn’t seem like one.
But I think the main problem isn’t really the directing, but the dreadful writing. The humor was so years ago, the drama was so centuries ago, and the ending was so millenniums ago.
I can’t really tell you more about the story cuz I might spoil it for those who still plan to see the movie after reading this. I can tell you though that the editing in this movie sucks, and I can’t believe that Bruce Green did it. The photography was appalling, I’ve seen the boom mike more than thrice; and the music was unsatisfying. Technically, this movie sucks.
Julie Andrews, was still Julie Andrews, playing around like she’s still Mary Poppins, while Anne Hathaway is really such a refreshing face when on screen, I doubt that she’ll ever get out of the damsel-in-distress roles. Her acting was satisfactory and she’ll keep you going during the entire movie. The other actors, well, they did okay too, tolerable enough.
Even if I think this movie was bad, I have to say that the chemistry between Anne and John was pretty good. That’s the only time that this movie became a chick flick. They looked good together but I doubt whether they’ll be able to save this movie from disappointment when people see it.
In general, this movie won’t even pass us a chick-flick. It’s a kiddie movie. And it’s poisonous when seen by people above 18 years old. So if I were you better let this one go, the royal ain’t that regal at all. It’s a disaster for the eyes waiting to happen.

alien vs. predator (whoever watches, they lose!)

Title: Alien vs. Predator (C+)
PH Release Date: Aug. 18, 2004
Actors: Sanaa Lasnan, Raoul Bova
Written & Directed by: Paul WS Anderson
Based on: “Alien” by Dan o Branon & Ron Shusett and “Predator” by John and James Thomas
Editor / Music: Alexander Berner / Harald Kloser
Design / Photography: Richard Bridgland / David Johnson
Producer: John Davis
Studio: 20th Century Fox

Whoever watches…They lose…

Sometimes in a person’s life, you make the wrong choices, like whether you’ll withdraw it or not; use protection or not; or watch Stepford Wives or a movie that in the first place you knew will be nothing but a quintessence of a nothing out of the ordinary sci-fi suspense movie. I made the wrong choice and I’m MAD enough to admit it (Grrrrrr!!!!).
The extraterrestrial from the 80’s and 90’s who went after a fast RYDER shoplifter is back (WY NOt NAme her?), and wait, we didn’t brought them back, well, at least intentionally, technically we did. And he’s having a face-off with the invisible enemy of a California governor (was it him or Rocky?). And the battleground, it’s our planet, and who’s in the middle of the WAR? The letter A--- and us to my surprise.
The battle goes on and as it went on, history will be unfolded and the writer takes support into the theory that the aliens thought the ancient Egyptians how to build a pyramid. Which I honestly think is the single smart idea that came out of this movie. The battle went one and a team died and someone ends up victorious (believe me you don’t need to mull on this one), and for me, well, for the first time since the last time, I’m a loser. (Why did they dub it as Alien vs. Predator if the Predator is also an alien? Shouldn’t it be Alien vs. Alien? Maybe Bald vs. Dreadlocks? Or Acid Alien vs. Invisible Alien)
I barely know the actors in this movie, and I don’t think there’s really that much to ponder with when it comes to acting since a sci-fi movie don’t really give you that much of a chance to excel. However, in comparison with other sci-fi suspense movies, it was quite better when it comes to acting.
When it comes to the story, that’s when the inevitable infuriation befall. The overused comedic fiasco will irritate you. Then comes the affected drama that’ll simply get on your nerves. And most of all the spoiled derivative situations from every successful sci-fi suspense movie. The jumping-off-from-a-bridge-and-almost-fall but-was-able-to-hold-onto-something or someone was quick enough to get a hold of them scene is just of the scenes you won’t believe moviemakers even spend the time to shoot this one, or even consider it.
Simply nothing will excite you from watching this movie. It was slow, it was boring, it was predictable and it gets worse as it goes along. Plus, an overly exaggerated ending didn't do any good.
I’m advising you right now to stay away from this movie. A movie like this can make you think that you can be a fortuneteller afterwards. It is nothing but an obvious attempt by the movie outfit to generate profit in the easiest way possible. Make a somewhat sci-fi sequel and let anonymous actors to be in it. Maybe if this was shown a decade ago you would really appreciate it, but today, I don’t think you’ll go as far as even liking it. I’m telling yah, whoever watches… they lose….., so don’t be a loser.

do not enter THE VILLAGE

Title:
The Village (B)
PH Release Date:
Aug. 11, 2004
Actors:
Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard, Adrien Brody, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Brendan Gleeson
Written & Directed by:
M. Night Shyamalan
Editor / Music:
Christopher Tellefsen / James Newton Howard
Design / Photography:
Tom Foden / Roger Deakins
Producer:
Scott Rudin / Sam Merzer
Studio:
Touchstone and Buenavista

“Let the bad color be seen--- it attracts them…..
Never enter the inbox, that’s where this waits…..
Heed my undeniable desperate cry for readers… so read!!!”

The master of Indian terror is back with another mind-boggling thriller that twists like any twister candy. This time, he’s not sharing the stories of the dead people or the aliens, but the tale of the red-cloaked creatures we do not speak of (the ones who takes it off in the blinking lights). He directed this film (like he always does) and well, he could have asked somebody else to write it.
Joaquin Phoenix plays the role of Lucius (I wonder if that’s the right spelling), the gutsy overweight man (he’s fat in this movie) who’s in love with the blind benevolent Ivy (Bryce Dallas Howard), who happens to be love by Noh (Adrien Brody), the psychologically perturbed. Their typical love story will lead to the premature twist (twist #1), the predictable twist (twist #2) and the monotonous ending (no twist # 1).
M. Night Shyamalan indeed have a talent for writing and directing suspense movies. He’s very creative and imaginative. In this movie he proved that. This movie was spooky, at times uproarious and most definitely passable. However, from someone like him, I expected something better, something as good as what I saw in the trailer. Something that will really make me jump off the edge of my seat, something that will outsmart me, something more than satisfactory.
I guess it was the story and his innate desire to make twists that made this movie average. His directing skills are definitely above average, he definitely knows how to use the lenses and make the most out of his scene, so that leaves us with the storytelling. It was in that sort that he lost his audience. It seemed too perverted.
Technically speaking, this movie was awesome. The camera work was outstanding. The photography was gaudy. The music, man, during the opening credits I was crept out, it was chilling. The editing was great too. There were quite a number of scenes that I truly believe was brilliantly executed. One was after the “don’t let them in” scene (spoil #1), that was wow… another was “the looking for the stabbed one scene”(spoil #2), that was marvelous.
Speaking of marvelous, Bryce has truly proven that she deserves to be an actress and her family name is just the icing on the cake (her father is Ron Howard). For her first starring role, she did magnificent. The role was perfectly her. The two scenes I mentioned earlier, they’re both hers. I cannot wait to see her again. This was her movie.
Oscar winner Brody proved how great he is in character acting. He was very convincing. It’s a pity that he’s stuck with supporting roles cuz he’s not really that bankable as an actor.
While Joaquin Phoenix is the lead star in this movie, among the three, he was the most barely discernible. You’d barely notice him. Half of the movie, he’s bedridden (I spoiled it again, it’s really hard), and he’s character wasn’t really the most boisterous one. The mature actors with them did just fine, be old and act old.
In general, this movie was okay. It’s really hard to describe it sensibly cuz I may spoil it to you. It may disappoint you if you’re expecting a more profound story. You may be dissatisfied with the less bloodcurdling and the dragging storytelling. It will probably test your patience especially during the second half of the movie but in a way, you’ll enjoy it too, cuz it’s visually satisfying. But if you’re expecting a Sixth Sense type of flick, better not enter the woods, cuz it’s where disgruntlement awaits.

Collateral (starring me)

Title:
Collateral (A-)
PH Release Date:
Aug. 6, 2004
Actors:
Tom Cruise, Jamie Foxx, Jada Pinkett-Smith, MArk Ruffalo
Director:
Michael Mann
Story & Screenplay:
Stuart Beattie
Editor / Music:
Paul Rubell / James Newton Howard
Design / Photography:
David Wasco / Dion Beebe and Paul Cameron
Producer:
Michael Mann and Julie Richardson
Studio:
Paramount and Dreamworks

“It started just like any other after-the-movie night…. except this time I finished at 12 in the afternoon” – Tom Cruz

The samurai’s gone and the hitman comes in riding a cab driven my Mr. Slow Jamz (yah know, the song…some Luther Vandross…). My double ganger loses the long hair and changed it for a snowflakes type of do, and Jamie Foxx well, he’s still black.
Vincent (Cruise) is a hired assassin and his new assignment will draw him into meeting Max (Foxx) who’ll become his tour guide for the night. A couple of hours later and a couple of dead bodies, the movie’s over and well, I did have fun.
One of the strangest thing you might find in this movie is that it’s not so Hollywood in all sorta ways, even if Tom is in it, but then when it ended, you kinda change your mind. I’ve gotta say, that seeing Tom Cruise in such a role, and actually do it well, is kinda farfetched for me. I’ve always thought that he’s underrated, but a Cruise for a crook has always been an onion-ice cream type of relationship for me.
As some may find Jamie Foxx acting better than Cruise’s in this movie, well, I thought they did just the same. And the fact that Jamie had more chance to shine because of the complexity of his character, but barely did, tells me that a Denzel Washington might have done better.
Stuart (not little!) did a wonderful big screen 24 (you know, Kiefer Sutherland), although Tom’s character may have been better if he find more ways to expose it. He remained seemingly anonymous. However, the fact that he was able to write a not so typical action movie (except the ending, train station? Come on!!!!) that remains riveting till the very last frame (except the ending, he can so do better than that!!!) kinda emancipates him.
The real crown for the success of this movie must go to the director-producer (we surely know why he made sure this one’s good), Michael Mann. He just made a terrific job in this one, hands down to his unorthodox (at least for Americans) way of storytelling. He’s shots are captivating; it’ll hook your eyes in the screen and before you know it, the movie’s over, and you’ve seen every part of it. Plus, he’s ability to execute square scenes and make it his own is pretty impressive, not to mention that he was able to at least make Foxx convincing, just like what he did to Will Smith in Ali (Smith earned an Oscar nomination for Best Actor).
Speaking of Smith, Jada-Pinkette was implausibly stunning in this movie. She was slamming. She never looked more gorgeous. It’s such a letdown that she had very few scenes and her character was quite ordinary, but nonetheless, she was banging (bump...bump…bump!!!).
An actor you might miss in this movie is Mark Ruffalo (he plays the kinda longhaired detective, I barely recognized him. At first, I thought it was him, but then I was skeptical. I thought it could be somebody else. He was that good. He’s a revelation in this movie. I never thought he could play more than a boy-next-door type of role.
The amazing photography and cinematography added glare to the graphic depiction of the LA nightlife. The dead town sure did appear flat. And the music complements the vivid picture very well.
Overall, it’s a finely crafted almost seemingly European type of movie. It delivers action, thrills, not much drama but unadulterated entertainment. Seeing this movie surely worth more than a gloomy taxi ride.

* they charge more than they usually do for this movie……..

Coming up: The Village (Aug. 11); The Bourne Supremacy (Aug. 18); The Princess Diaries 2 (Aug. 25)