Blade Trinity--- thrice the rust, thrice the lameness

Title:
Blade Trinity (C+)
PH Release Date:
January 6, 2005
Actors:
Wesley Snipes, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Dominic Purcell, Kris Kristofferson, James Remar
Director:
David S. Goyer
Story & Screenplay:
David S. Goyer
Music:
RZA
Cinematography:
Gabriel Beristain
Producer:
David S. goyer, Wesley Snipes et al.
Studio:
New Line Cinema



Drake: I hope you’re ready to die…
Blade: I was born ready motherfucker!
Drake: Motherfucker, I like that!

The former vampire who hunts vampire, killed vampires and will be working with a former vampire and those whose families were victims of vampires is now back in the big screen. The scar who became a man is taking the role that the people oh so terribly considered over and done, which means they’ve also forgotten him. It’s the first foreign movie I’m reviewing for this year and I ain’t showin’ any signs of being promising…

Blade travels the street of New York when the sun is down to slaughter the nightwalkers. But one mistake put his life and his future on the line. He accidentally murdered a human pretending to be a vampire, all part of a dirty hoax planned against him by the leaders. Now he must fight those he protects. But this is not the major concern, for they resurrected the antecedent, the perpetual Dracula. With the help of his newfound associates, will he be able to stop their plans? Will they succeed in their plan to eliminate this species once and for all without having to kill him as well?

I remember seeing Blade 2 about a year or two ago, I wasn’t completely wowed by it but it was okay. Very entertaining and the visuals were astounding. That was before and well, this year, it’s a different story. The blade isn’t as sharp as it used to be.

I don’t know if it’s still the same director or writer, but if it is, poor hi., I ain’t seeing any spin-offs nor another sequel which means he might be ban from writing and making movies for life. The story was ordinary and predictable, the lines were cheesy, all the action scenes I’ve definitely seen them all before, and the pacing was bad. So in simple words, he did a good job—in making a bad movie.

The story of Blade is not that interesting, and so is Wesley Snipes. I ain’t expecting any Oscar-winning screenplay but at least something decent. And I was expecting something action-packed. Sadly, I didn’t get any of that. The scenes were too predictable and too odd. It jumps out from one scene to another without lucidity. It was poor exposition. The script was a bad layout of a newspaper: wrong sizes of pictures and slots.



The visuals along with Ryan and Jessica may have salvaged this movie from demise. However, it’s nothing new. The turning-into-ash trick is so passé. The backflips, the swordfights, all of these I’ve seen before. Jessica’s tool was cool but aside from that it was totally lame. The action is too soft for me, and I’m not even an action movie fan! I’m just as shock as you are that I’m saying this.

Wesley Snipes acting deserves no critique. It will be like saying that bananas can be red. It will always be yellow: bright and shining unlike his acting. Ryan Reynolds character name can possibly be the lamest one out of all the superhero/comic character I’ve seen. Hannibal King? C’mon you can do better than that! His quirkiness still remained though at times I found it corny, it did work for me somehow, lessened my irritation from the whole experience. Jessica’s a bombshell! This is definitely far from her Mary role in 7th Heaven. I’d say she did a fine job despite the poor development of her character.



Some may watch this movie for the reason of Ryan and Jessica’s existence. Well, sorry to inform you that they have no steamy scenes or whatsoever in the movie, a threesome with Blade is also not happening. Jessica had a nude bathroom scene but she ain’t showin’ any. Ryan had a half-naked and showing of some pecks scene, well for some that’s good enough. But if you’re watching this movie not for the skin, I say reconsider. If you wanna watch it cuz you wanna complete the trilogy, I say keep the memories of the first two movies and leave this one behind as if it was just a 2-part movie. But if you desperately want closure, then go ahead experience how it’s like to be cut by a rusty blade.