The Pacifier --- a traditional waste of family time

Title:The Pacifier (C)
PH Release Date:March 30, 2005
Actors:Vin Diesel, Lauren Graham, Brittany Snow, Faith Ford, Carol Kane, Brad Garrett, Max Theriot, Morgan York
Director:Adam Shankman
Story and Screenplay:Thomas Lennon et al.
Cinematography:Peter James
Producer:Roger Bimbaum et al.
Studio:Walt Disney Pictures



"this movie is so dumb i have no quotes at all"

Since I’ve been bedridden (for real!!!) for the past couple of days. I needed to find a remedy for my filmtosis (n., a disease caused by the lack of movie viewing pleasure on a Wednesday) So I decided to watch this movie since they say laughter is the best medicine. I’m not a fan of Vin Diesel, or of any man who have boobs bigger than my mother, but I was willing to give him a shot. This will be the first time I’ll see him do comedy (and hopefully some real acting). And I terribly wish this will be the last (Ms. June will kill me).

Vin plays the Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe who hardly recuperated from his first-failed mission. Now, here’s where you immediately know that this is not your regular Vin Diesel movie, because instead of his character dwelling on his lost he immediately grabbed the newest mission and do it without any feeling of remorse towards the family of the scientist who died and his fellow officers as well. Simply put, no big boi drama.

This new mission with the family of the scientist is something he had never done and was not specifically trained to do but because Vin’s character should be the hero, somehow he managed to do it all so well. And I mean really well. With him even directing a play. It doesn’t get any more seamless than that. And with a man being able to handle kids and babies oh so well, he should be the perfect man. That’s when you’re hit with the hard reality that this is a flight of fancy.



If you are still contemplating about how the movie might end you must have been born yesterday or simply hit yourself so hard on the head that even the simple task of picking your nose you can hardly manage to remember how to do. If the latter has not been administered on you yet, I’ll be more than glad to do it for you-- free of charge!!!Adam Shankman directed this movie, and as mentioned in the poster, it was directed by the director of Bringing Down the House. Adam Shankman directed this movie which means he directed Bringing Down the House. Korek!!!!! (with the hastiness of Kris Aquino’s version). One thing I so wish the producer of the next film he directs never do, is put “from the director of the pacifier” cause that will immediately decipehered as a sign of distress.

I dunno what school this director came from, maybe from outer space but man, Joyce Bernal could have done a much better job. Visually he’s not totally bad, but the storytelling, man, he sucks bigtime. I mean, I dunno what exactly he’s trying to do, he attempts to depict an ordinary and predictable storyline into a more ordinary and more predictable movie. How honest of him. If I was to judge this flick on sheer visual development, this movie will receive a staggering D.



I mean c'mon, as if the storyline is so complex that you would have such a hard time to develop it. And mind you, I dunno how crazy this sounds but this sounds Whitney Houston type of crazy for me, it needed four people to write this movie. The more really is the manier but not necessarily merrier. That’s like saying that we need 20 writers to have a really good script.

Vin is typecast to play only two roles. First, an officer, not necessarily a virtuous one, and second, a wicked character, may be a rebel of some sort or a fugitive. In this movie, they can’t claim that he’s playing anything new. Just because he is changing diapers, it doesn’t count as a new role. If you’ll ask me whether he was able to pull it off, c’mon, as if it’s that hard to utter ” eew!” when you see a poo-stricken diaper??? Now, if Vin Diesel was trying to throw some gags of his own, now that’s worth critiquing.

The movie’s fortunate to have such an incredible support cast, from Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls) to Brittany Snow (8 Simple Rules). I dunno about Brad Garrett because I never liked him as an actor. I have something against hairy men (not really fond of cookie monster). No, seriously, I dislike him immensely (not hate, didn’t your parents told you we should never hate nobody?), I think he’s OA, and overly conceited. I may love Raymond but I don’t like him.



This movie had a lot of potential, casting is good, take away Brad Garrett and his character as well, fire the director, get a new one, choose one scriptwriter and this movie will be better. Instead of taking on so many things at the same time, it would have been best if they used the ever-effective tool in making such comedies work---- babies. And if you think about it, or simply take time to read it, this movie is entitled the pacifier!!! Dah???!!!!


Grading Sheet:Story – 12%
Screenplay – 12%
Direction / Execution – 10%
Acting – 15%
Technical Aspect – 12%
Total: 61% = C