Hitchhiker's Guide to iNsAniTY... do panic!

© Touchstone Pictures

Title:
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (C)
PH Release Date:
June 22, 2005
Actors:
Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel, Bill Nighy, Alan Rickman
Director:
Garth Jennings
Based on the Book by:
Douglas Adams
Screenplay:
Douglas Adams and Karey Kirkpatrick
Editor / Music:
Niven Howie / Bernie Leadon and Joby Talbot
Design / Photography:
Joel Collins / Igor Jadue-Lillo
Producer:
Gary Barber et al.
Studio:
Touchstone Pictures


© Touchstone Pictures

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.”

What can be worst than having your humble home bulldozed? The end of the World! This is exactly what happened to Arthur Dent (Fremman), good thing his friend Ford (Def) sorta knows his way across the universe, with a little help from a hitchhiker’s book. Just when Arthur thought that life as he knows it is over, he finds out that the oddly-named Trillian (Deschanel) is alive. However, things are meant to be not smooth-sailing especially when the egotistic brain-dead self-kidnapped President of the Universe (Rockwell) is hanging around with you on a stolen ship. Will Arthur and the rest of the gang survive to find out the truth about life and everything else, even if they don’t have the anti-depressant to treat Marvin the paranoid android?


© Touchstone Pictures

If you’re gonna ask me what I think about the movie a minute after I’ve seen it, I would have given two simple words to describe it all to you ----- IT SUCKS! This is the worst movie I’ve seen this year, and I’m not exaggerating. Not because the story or the screenplay sucks but because it wasn’t given the due respect it deserves for being such a wonderful book (not that I’ve read it… wahhee). I’m judging by the lines I heard from the movie, a lot of them, with much better execution, would be anything but a far cry from brilliance.

So generally, the movie didn’t suck as much. The story and screenplay is promising. Potential was never a question with this one. Normally, I would have loved this movie. There were tons of good lines and catchphrases to feast on. British comedy isn’t exactly my fetish but I love the way they can make a fool out of themselves without appearing too conscious. They’re naturally silly and I admire that about them. This one is as imprudent and unruly but as a movie in its entirety, it didn’t come across as such.


© Touchstone Pictures

The direction should take most of the blaming. He’s terribly out of his element. This guy should be directing MYX, or something that does not require him to actually think, conceptualize, characterize or in plain terms, direct. The movie was as off-key as William Hung, the only difference? The latter is actually funny.

If I was a fan of the book, or at least if I have read the book, I would have been terribly disappointed. I really don’t know what happened to Douglas Adams and he allowed this movie to be released despite such Paris Hilton-slim resemblance to his works brilliance, oh I’m sorry, Lara Flynn Boyle-slim (again, I haven’t read the book… wahehe).


© Touchstone Pictures

The effects and production design of the movie was so 80’s sitcom. ET never looked as dreary as this one, ugly maybe, but monotonous; no. Good thing, Marvin the paranoid android was such a pleasure to watch and if he seemed tedious in any way it’s because the character calls for it. The sound wasn’t too fabulous as well, but I did love the song. And oh, the animation was good.

Aside from the hideous direction, the acting comes in second in our to-blame list. I mean, who are these crazy Brits? Mos Def looked like that guy from Top of the Pops. Martin Freeman is in no way as good as Martin Sheen or Morgan Freeman. Zooey Deschanel, she’s that girl from Britney’s movie, not much improvement if you ask me. And Sam Rockwell just took his name out from my hotlist with his own bare futile hands. The only performance worth raving for was Alan Rickman’s. And you wouldn’t even get a glimpse of him. It’s crazy how he’s the one who wasn’t there but who’s actually in there. All his lines were right on the money, I never thought of him as a comedian, he proved me wrong.


© Touchstone Pictures

If you’re in any way planning to see this flick, I’m telling you now to change your plans. This movie does not deserve to be seen by any normal human being, and by normal I mean, those with actual brain. I gotta be cruel to be kind, cuz it’s the only way I can save you from nearly two hours of torture, believe me, it almost killed me. It’s not the type of movie you’d like to be associated with. After seeing it, you’ll say exactly the same thing I uttered before leaving the cinema--- “so long and thanx for nothing!”

Grading Sheet:
Story – 15%
Screenplay – 14%
Direction / Execution – 10%
Acting – 13%
Technical Aspect – 13%
Total: 65% = C

Batman Begins... and how i wish it never ends!

© WB

Title:
Batman Begins (A)
PH Release Date:
June 15, 2005
Actors:
Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Cillian Murphy, Tom Wilkinson, Rutger Hauer, Ken Watanabe, Morgan Freeman, Gus Lewis
Director:
Christopher Nolan
Story:
Based on characters created by Bob Kane for D. C. Comics
Screenplay:
David S. Goyer & Christpher Nolan
Editor / Music:
Lee Smith / James Newton Howard and Hans Zimmer
Design / Photography:
Nathan Crowley / Wally Pfister
Producer:
Emma Thomas et al.
Studio:
Warner Bros.


© WB

It is not what you say that defines you, it's what you do….

When watching any flick, I try to make sure that I don’t put in a lot of or any expectations for the simple reason that it’s usually not met, therefore avoiding much unwanted disappointment. I did the same with this movie for weeks. In fact, I didn’t plan to watch this one at all after seeing the not-so attractive trailer (they didn’t show my Katie in the earlier trailers). But after great reviews and feedbacks from those who’ve seen it, a week before its showing, I’m as excited as any comic book fan on earth. And to be honest they went way beyond my expectations.


© WB

I kept on trying to remember as to where I’ve heard the director’s name. I seek for any information regarding his previous works and there it hit me. He was that Brit guy who made one of the most talked-about movies of our generation--- Memento. I haven’t seen this one but I’m preparing for it. They say you gotta be primed from all aspects of your being before you see it. Only a genius can see this movie once and understand the entirety of it. So the director’s got a noir reputation, this is gonna be exciting.

And the hell it was. I loved it. Every aspect of the movie I embraced so dearly. This is the best comic book adaptation yet, and the best comic book-based movie since Spiderman 2. It touches the characters beyond the mythological and scientific factors. It’s serious but it doesn’t bore a bit. It’s gripping from start to finish and emotionally charged. It’s art and commercial in one. It’s a beginning everyone’s supposed to see.


© WB

The movie goes where no other Batman movie has gone before--- where everything truly began. It delves into how a young boy who’s scared of bats became the human being of their kind. What’s extremely wonderful about it, aside from the fact that we get to see how he really developed into the Caped Crusader, is that it’s so believable. It was not repulsive at all.

I love Tim Burton’s works including the Batman movies. However, I gotta say that I love Christopher Nolan’s version more. I don’t know if it’s because the movie offers more than an exciting fight-scene between the Dark Knight and a villain, or it is because the whole idea seemed to be very real and not as fanciful. Yes, it may not have an Oscar-winning production design (at least not yet) but the story is great enough that a simple background will do.


© WB

There’s magic about how mentally compelling Christopher Nolan’s works are. I’ve seen Insomnia and even a narcoleptic won’t be able to sleep while watching it. He shows characters like they are in front of you, as if they are part of the world you belong in. Not a single thread of doubt that they exist. He makes sure that you are involved in every aspect of the character’s development. He’s promulgating a no-audience left behind policy . Wahehe...


© WB

The screenplay works well. The lines were good, a little more comicish in terms of discourse compared to Spiderman. Some profound dialogues which weren’t too cheesy for my taste.

Another proof of how great this film truly is, the two music geniuses: James Newton Howard and Hans Zimmer working together in this one. That rarely happens and I’m so glad it’s for this project. The cinematography’s good and the editing’s fine as well. One thing I found quite off though is during the hand-to-hand combat scenes, the shots seemed to be all over the place. Aside from that it’s all good.


© WB

At first, I doubted Christian Bale’s capacity to play the title role. Yeah, I know he’ll do everything for the sake of a movie, he already proved that going beyond skinny in The Machinist. Somehow, I just didn’t think he has the “it” factor to play the caped crusader, turns out he’ll be the only Batman worth seeing. Michael Keaton’s too emotional and Val Kilmer is too stoned, Bale is just perfect. I have one weird observation though, during some of the scenes between him and Katie he suddenly turned into Tobey Maguire, and it’s Peter and Mary Jane all over again. It’s funny but he needs to work on that one in case he’s doing the sequel God, I do hope so!


© WB

Katie Holmes was at her best in this movie. She’s showing emotions so stop mocking my baby! Wahehe. Sorry Tom, she was mine first! Michael Caine is so perfect as Albert, a little stockier but it’s passable. Chris Cooper is so stupid to turn down Gary Oldman’s role, having an Oscar doesn’t make you a God so I hope you don’t get any good projects after the last work you did, which was like a century ago.

Liam Neeson never fails to amaze me, I guess he really felt his fight scenes with the Dark Night, something he’ll never be able to be, poor him, they should have given him the role when he was younger. The landmark performance goes to Tom Wilkinson, whew! And in case you’re wondering who that weirdly-eyed young man playing the psychologist/scarecrow is, it’s Cillian Murphy, the guy from 28 days later and the Girl with the Pearl Earring. Morgan Freeman was great as always. Ken Watanabe was a bit amusing.


© WB

In case you didn’t catch what I said earlier, it’s the best comic book-based movie yet! I don’t care what others say, this is the finest of them all. Spiderman 2 comes in close second. This movie will cater to every kind of audience except maybe for children cuz it’s quite traumatic and mature in nature. But otherwise you’ll have a ball. I did. If anyone’s in need of a companion in seeing this one, don’t be shy and ask me, I’ll be more than willing to oblige. To face fear you must become fear, don't be the one preyed on... see how it all begins...

Grading Sheet:
Story – 18%
Screenplay – 18%
Direction / Execution – 18%
Acting – 19%
Technical Aspect – 18%
Total: 91% = A

Mr. & Mrs. Smith --- B-movie gets A-list treatment

© 20th Century Fox

Title:
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (B-)
PH Release Date:
June 8, 2005
Actors:
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Adam Brody, Vince Vaughn. Angela Basette, Kerry Washington
Director:
Doug Liman
Story and Screenplay:
Simon Kinberg and Jez Butterworth
Editor / Music:
Michael Tronick / John Powell
Design / Photography:
Jeff Mann / Bojan Bazelli
Producer:
Akiva Goldsman et al.
Studio:
20th Century Fox


© 20th Century Fox

Finally, the movie that started all rumors of an illicit affair is finally out. People have different reasons why they watched this movie. Some wants to simply see Brad or Angie or even Adam. Some wants to see an action/rom-com type of flick. Mine in particular is simple: just to see the one thing that can lead me close to the truth. And believe me, the truth is so in here!

Two assassins from two competing agencies, John and Jane Smith were married 5 or 6 years ago, and as any ordinary couple that lives in a mansion with no offspring, they found themselves alone with each other and terribly estrange from one another. Determined to make the marriage work they seek counseling, however, it isn’t the long expensive hours of sitting on the psychologist’s chair where they’ll find out each other’s secret, but on the field.


© 20th Century Fox

If I am Jennifer Aniston, I have all the reasons in the world to believe that he left her for the interrupted girl. First, he wants a baby, she has the baby. Second, he needs time, she’s got time. And now, this movie. They were like born to be onscreen together. Never a dull moment when they were with each other. If you see them for the first time in this movie, it’ll lead you to believe that they’re an item.

Angelina’s role was first cutout for Nicole. Fortunately, she’s out being a Stepford during that time, cuz this movie is far from what she’s all about. It’ll be a big risk for her, not entirely what she needs. Catherine Zeta-Jones was next on line, but failed to commit to the project. Finally, they gave it to her with some drawbacks; Brad may not be able to play the opposite role. Good thing everything worked out fine and we’re left with the wonderful opportunity to savor their sizzling chemistry together.


© 20th Century Fox

Despite the fact and the obvious attempt by the director to draw the full intention of the viewers to its stars, yours truly didn’t succumb to his effort, but to be quite frank, I almost did. The two won’t let you think about how crazy, dumb, and senseless the script is. Yes, the first half of the movie was teasing, exciting and made a good foundation for the flick but during the other half it became totally dim-witted. It was filled with never-ending mindless action sequences. The more shots taken, the more plot holes left behind. And believe me, they were quite a handful. (e.g. Who is Adam Brody? What are these two agencies? How come they are willing to risk it all, send dozens of troops, bomb houses and etc. for the sheer sake of extracting these two from the face of mother earth aside from the fact that they’re married rival assassins?)


© 20th Century Fox

Doug Liman went from dull and boring (The Bourne Identity), to lackluster and monotonous, not quite much of a leap. He’s just extremely privileged to have these two starts on board to cover-up for his inability to tell a story. He makes a lot of good action sequences, most of them copied, but they’re high-class. However, action scenes doesn’t make a movie sensible, it just keeps the audience dumb for some time.

The editing is okay, photography’s a lot better. Sound is fine. I did love the song choice for Brad. But aside from that everything ain’t nothin’ more than tolerable.


© 20th Century Fox

I’ve already stressed the unquivered truth that the team-up works. Now let’s give emphasis on the individual output. Brad is simply aging gracefully. He’s no way near 40. His sex appeal is unprecedented and he knows exactly what to do with it. The only thing the role asked from him is to look good and act cute, not much of a challenge if I may say so. Angelina’s got that something that nobody else in Hollywood possesses. She’s got that spunk, that attitude, that bad girl aura that makes her uniquely appealing. She can command every grown man to act like a little boy if she pleases. She showed that same intensity in this movie and I’m already sucking my thumb as I write, not that I qualify as a grown man. Adam Brody and the rest of the actors were nothing but extras. Adam showed nothing more than his usual tongue-tied antics.


© 20th Century Fox

If we’re in the middle of the Jen & Brad divorce trial and the judge accepted a copy of this movie as actual evidence, we all know what the verdict’s gonna be. This is the best example of how two A-list stars can make a B-movie worth seeing. This is Hollywood at its Hollywoodest. The two were just totally fun to watch despite the fact that midway through it started to suck. It’s a date movie and action-flick rolled into one so everyone can relate. There’s a new duo in town, and there’s no way they’re gonna let you leave your Eyes Wide Shut. Pave the way for Brangelina.


Grading Sheet:
Story – 14%
Screenplay – 12%
Direction / Execution – 15%
Acting – 18%
Technical Aspect – 15%
Total: 74% = B-

Sin City --- the city that won't let you sleep....

© Dimension

Title:
Sin City (A-)
PH Release Date:
June 1, 2005
Actors:
Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Jessica Alba, Nick Stahl, Rosario Dawson, Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Jaime King, Benicio Del Toro, Devon Aoki, Alexi Bledel, Michael Clark Duncan, Josh Hartnett, Michael Madsen
Director:
Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller
Story and Screenplay:
Frank Miller / Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller
Editor / Music:
Robert Rodriguez / John Debney et al.
Design / Photography:
Jeanette Scott / Robert Rodriguez
Producer:
Elizabeth Avellan et al.
Studio:
Troublemaker and Dimension Films


© Dimension

“Walk down the right back alley in Sin City, and you can find anything...”

And hell I totally did! Wow. It was quite the movie I expected from start to finish. No more, no less. The movie is composed of three stories intertwined by that one city where everything took place. A conurbation where almost anything, as long as it’s iniquity, can actually transpire.


© Dimension

The story of Marv (Rourke) revolves around his search for the killer of Goldie (King). After the special night he spent with the prostitute, he awoke with her dead body right by his side. When he finally found the murderer, it didn’t became as easy as he thought the payback would be. Dwight’s (Owen) struggle to save the Ladies of Sin City from utter annihilation is the core of the second story. A war is verging between the authorities and the prostitutes and the only way to stop the truce from expulsion is to make sure that Jackie Boy’s (del Toro) head will never be found. And lastly, as every city has its own good cop, Sin City finds it in the persona of Hartigan (Willis).He paid the price of being true to his oath by spending 8 years of his life in prison and putting his entire name in shame. Now, he must find the girl he saved a few years ago and find a way to keep Nancy (Alba) away from the same bastard he once protected her away from.


© Dimension

Unless this is the first time you’ve read a crap of this kind, you must have known that I haven’t read or seen any of Frank Miller’s work. I have very little interest with reading books, and not an inch of which for comics. But despite that fact, I still watched this all-CGI movie and learned that comics may not be as bad as I think they are.

If director Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller decided to be faithful to the whole “comic” idea, I thought it was a great move. However, I think it will be better if they didn’t tamp in all of these three stories in one movie. It gave them very little time to characterize well. They might be all short stories, but man, you wanna see more of these characters do all the crazy things they do. But then again, if these three stories were made into individual movies, the bore factor may kick in, so alright, I’ll take the 3-in-1. (Just shows how terribly indecisive I am)


© Dimension

Not all directors get the chance to work with such a tremendous amount of talent. They are very lucky that the studio allowed them to work in the film to the fullest. They’re making all the calls which I think helped a lot to make the movie consistent. Even if one of the scenes was directed by Quentin (I forgot what scene it was), it didn’t take away what the movie was all about, and besides, Quentin surely knows what gore is all about.

The stories were not that complicated. Comics, as far as I know, need not be intricate but they have to be profound in dialogue. And this one was profound from start to finish. A simple request of getting a robust car is done with words and intensity that only a comic book may possess, and to my surprise, it worked oh so well in this movie.


© Dimension

If I was to have the arduous task of picking which story’s the best, I would have to say Marv’s. Yeah, it went over the board a lot of times, incredibly unbelievable if you may categorize, but it was just a knockout. Among the three, this is the most comic bookish. The other two were not bad at all, Dwight’s was a little shallow compared to the two but still gets your blood running fast and Hartigan’s more emotionally packed.

The option of using CGI has its own pros and cons, especially if the film is supposed to portray reality at its veracity. But if you aim to project a completely different world, something strictly stripped out from the comic book, CGI may be a fine option, and I believe it was for them. This is the second flick I’ve seen made entirely around the green wall, the first one (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow) didn’t leave me completely staggered but this one quite did. I can’t believe how extremely difficult it must have been directing with nothing but a fluorescent color surrounding your actors, it’s totally risky, it can make your or break you and it made this movie. I was convince that Sin City does exist, it was a city like many others but in a lot of ways is just nothing quite like any inexistence.


© Dimension

The whole playing around with colors was very cool. I was extremely amazed by how slick it was done. Now you see color, now you don’t. Such a feast for the eyes. The music played around with the whole story as well. And I know that it would entail a lot of camaraderie between the director and cinematographer to have a decent photography, so I guess Robert Rodriguez didn’t have quite a difficult time convincing himself what shots to be taken and how to shoot it. wahehe…


© Dimension

The biggest star amongst all of them was Mickey Rourke, never noticed him before, and the answer is simple: they just don’t give him respect as an actor cuz he's not a moviestar! Imagine, he’s one, if not the central character in the film and you can’t see his face in the main movie poster. If I were him, I’ve gone berserk, I didn’t know he was one of the main characters until I saw the movie cuz even in the trailer he’s barely discernible. This kind of crap makes me wanna puke. It lessened my respect for the directors of this movie, cuz they had the power to made the choice, they’re also the producers. But leaving that idiocy alone, this man gave one hell of a performance. He didn’t portray the character it was him from start to finish. B-R-A-V-O! Second best for me, which may come to you as much of a surprise as it was to me, was Elijah Wood. No dialogues, all facial expressions, the character was marked. I loved his character and I can’t believe how good it was in this movie, all his efforts for the LOTR trilogy will not equate for this stint. It was whew! And since I have used a tremendous amount of space already I’m just gonna give a quickie for the others left.

Bruce Willis was so Die Hard, but it worked. Clive Owen was at his best look. Jessica at her sexiest. Nick at his yellowest. Rosario at her spunkiest (the term!). Brittany at her stupidest. Jaime at her most unrecognizable portrayal yet. Benicio at his serenest. Devon has never been more alluring. Alexi totally no Gilmore. Michael Clark was Michael Clark. Josh Hartnett was Josh Hartnett except this time we're on the same page, we don't get the role. And finally Michael Madsen at his most irksome acting stint yet. Ha! That’s enough.


© Dimension

This movie is not advisable to be seen by people who find cannibalism as the goriest thing in the world, or those who simply can’t stand seeing a man being eaten by his own dog.(Ha, never seen such a lovely sight). Much of that kind in this one, totally distancing itself from others if I may say. It’s pure style with some substance and a lot of gore. Your eyes will either love or hate what you see, but you can’t help but be in awe wondering how they did it oh so well. So would you stop reading this crap and take your ass out to the movies cuz I dare you to enter the world of Sin City.


Grading Sheet:
Story – 16%
Screenplay – 16%
Direction / Execution – 17%
Acting – 19%
Technical Aspect – 18%
Total: 86% = A-