the day after tomorrow (is the next day)

Title:
The Day After Tomorrow (B+)
Actors:
Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Sela Ward, Ian Holm
Writer/Director:
Roland Emmerich

The science word science term is scientific name and scientific phenomena have happened (sorry, I’m not much of a scientist, obviously). The world is about to enter a new age (its’ like the end of FRIENDS, the end of an era) but no one’s happy bout it cuz 3 circling thingys with holes in the middle are coming to a state near you. And guess what they can do? At their highest might it can turn you into Mr. Frosty within a sec. (Popsicles anyone? Hmmm, I wonder what Britney will taste like when frozen, or Madam Auring, we better ask Monica Lewinsky). Jack (Quaid) a climatologist (is that right?) and he’s “theory of when you look up you’re not looking down” clearly explains why the sudden change of climate might just erase every living organism on the surface of America, Great Britain and the rest of the first world countries (talk about fairness! Justice my friends, it exists). He warns the vice-president but who cares, the economy is more important. So the scientific phenomenon occurred and everyone must evacuate before the thingys hit the state you’re in, He tells them to go to the North (or was it South, my mind froze up) and then, of course this won’t be exciting unless the main character does something stupid and he does, the most stupid thing imaginable, he goes where he told the people to get away from (what a scientist, he knows precisely what to do). He goes to New York to save his son Sam (Gyllenhaal) and will he be able to do so? Of course he will! That’s a no brainer.

Roland Emmerich once again comes out with a world-ending movie, which is very surprising (not!). The next thing you know he’ll be coming out with a world war movie where everyone dies. I know that most moviemakers are eccentric of some sort but this guy is seriously disturbed. He’s obsessed with annihilation, they should watch out for this dude. And if some scatty fellas are wondering if this is a sequel of Independence Day cuz it’s like The Day After Tomorrow (which actually is the next day) you are right it is (not!!!). They have one purpose though to kill as many as they can (just a suggestion kill BILL--- oh, no Bush!!! Stop war! Not Peace! And I quote!).

On a serious note (I was being earnest earlier), let’s tackle the title, which I thought was a weird choice. They wasted a lot of ink they should have chosen The Next Day, it’s the same thing but it’s shorter. This movie was in a way mundane, but in a way an unusual science fiction, which worked for them. One thing common here is the inexorable fact that most of the people don’t understand what the heck those scientific things they’re talking about (speak in English!!!). It has always been that way and unless some daring director attempts to put captions while the terms are preceded (HURRICANE – something that moves) then there’s no way it’ll change. And the obstinacy of the characters is still there but that won’t kill them but their friends will be the ones to suffer.
The one thing truly unique here is the fact that the character didn’t get any. That is highly unusual, no sex scenes of any sort, a little petting in one scene but besides that nothing else and I thought that was very brave.

Acting wise it was good but in some way I get distracted by Quaid’s eyes. It’s weird but it just does. He has this weird look. Jake clearly resembles Tobey Maguire, they look the same and they’re style in acting matches completely. That’s why I won’t be surprised if the next Spiderman movie goes to him since he’s dating Kirsten Dunst and Tobey’s known to have some attitude problem. Sela Ward had this one scene where I don’t know what kind of acting it was but it wasn’t in that scene. But the Peter scene, she was brilliant and it was moving, that was the acting highlight for me.

It might not be the kind of film to get an Oscar nomination but it’s one movie you can get pleasure from. Just don’t think too deep and enjoy what’s in front of yah and it’ll be worth your time. And stop yourself from saying “that’s impossible that can't happen in real life, are you fucking kiddin' me, this movie's a bummer, what the heck, what the fuck... do yah think we’re stupid and so on...".

Shrek 2 (refreshing green)

Title:
Shrek 2 (A)
Vocal Artists:
Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas, Julie Andrews, Rupert Everett, Jennifer Saunders
Writer/Director:
Kelly Asbury / Andrew Adamson

The green monster is back, this time; he’s out to visit his parents-in-law, King and Queen.
Everybody Loves Ogre: Shrek (Mike Myers) must now please Fiona’s (Cameron Diaz) parents to get their blessing but it won’t be easy especially when the Fairy Grandmother (Jennifer Saunders) takes all the necessary steps to give his son Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) the princess he was promised to have. On this journey, all the Fairy Tale characters we’ve grown to love—and hate comes back to the big screen in this all new adventure. The chirpy furred Donkey (Eddie Murphy) joins the fun with a new friend to chat with the fuzzy-tries-to-be-vicious Latino cat Pus N’ Boots (Antonio Banderas).

Going into the cinema, I prepared myself of being thwarted before seeing this movie. Because at least 75% of the sequels I’ve seen our bad, bad, and nothing but bad—and yah know it (ah!). And the fact that this is bigger dramatis personae adds more to my notion. During the first scenes of the movie, I was squirming, I dunno bout you but seeing two ogres make out is not my idea of good entertainment (God, I can still see those smacks---eewww!!!). Good thing, the director is smart enough to realize that and Donkey saved us from further mortification.

The idea of a fairy grandmother as an adversary is paradoxical but good (that’s like GMA, they so fit). This is the thing I love most about this movie. They’re able to take in characters from stories that everyone knows (well, except those who didn’t have a childhood like MJ, who am I kiddin he has a Neverland mansion) and adorn them into fresh facades. This needs a lot of work and good conceptualization for them to be able to come out with something spanking (aw!). And they did.

Throughout the entire movie, everything was just relaxing. It’s very simple yet very glitzy. I was greatly impressed because I never expected it to be that good. The jokes were funny, the phasing was perfect and the animation is just enthralling. It’s a movie for everyone, it ensnare audience of all ages. This is one movie deserving to be seen twice cuz if you’re smart enough to grasp every quip thrown in the movie you’ll missed a lot more cuz you’ll laugh your head off, so to capture them all, seeing it for the second time will be a good idea.

During the first half of the movie it was very light but afterwards it becomes austerely hilarious. The second time I laid my eyes on gingerbread man (he’s so bitsy) I just can’t stop laughing. From the scene that they rescued the group, it’s just a blast.

It’s almost the perfect family comedy except for one scene that I honestly think might be a little inapt for children. It was the “thong” scene I thought that was unwarranted. Maybe they kinda lost it for a sec there and thought that it’ll be funny, well, it was, but they should have kept in mind that this is a kiddie movie and it ain’t Sex and the City (oh, behave!).

Generally, it’s a splendidly witted movie for all ages. Just don’t forget to cover your kid’s eyes when the thong scene comes out, and oh, if you’re a parent, prime yourself in making an excuse why the fairy grandmother’s bad. Get a new fairy tale minus the fairy cuz if your kid’s a gifted child he won’t be wanting that same story again and if he does, you have a dippy for a child. (joke!!!)

chronicles of riddick... tigidig...tigidig....

ei, guys this is my latest review it's kinda late cuz i was really busy. anyways, just read and once again comments, suggestions, violent reactions are welcome.... thanx....


Title:
The Chronicles of Riddick (C+)
Actors:
Vin Diesel, Judi Dench
Writer/Director:


Not being able to write a new review for more than a week is a bad thing, but seeing another so-so movie to review, is far worse.
I should have taken the $30M+ dollars gross of this movie on its first week as a sign, that it would be nothing, nothing, more than a mediocre sci-fi futuristic trash. And, typical of me, I’m right again.
The movie takes us to an indefinite time (or maybe a different dimension or reality of some sort, it wasn’t really much clearly defined just like everyone and everything in the entire movie), Riddick (out of all the names why this one) is introduced to us played by the gym-buddy Vin Diesel (not gasoline). He’s macho alright and he’s super smart and oh, he’s not human, he’s a Furian (I have no idea what that is just like all the things they were talking about), and of course, who wouldn’t notice he have glow in the dark eyes… wow… that’s really unique! Just like what everyone loves: a good-looking protagonist out to protect the world, or in this movie the universe, or something else and he wears contacts, such genius should be rewarded--- not!
Then, his past was revealed, his not too perfect after all! Like we don’t know that. Then Judi Dench came in and yah kinda start to pay attention cuz she might say something smart to make this movie acceptable. Then, the bad guys came with their kinda old kinda ultramodern wardrobes and then Tyra Banks show off some runway skills, oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t Tyra, I thought for a second they’re the same size and they both wear the same lashes, silly me!
And then, suddenly it became really interesting; I never thought that it could become far worse than it already is. The movie turned into a circus, too many things happened but nothing makes that much sense. It was like watching Mongolian Barbecue!
The material is just bad, bad and nothing more than bad. They just wasted their money in making this film. Only dumb guys would love this movie, cuz there’s too many things to see but nothing to understand.
The movie is just plain empty, no character development, no acting skills, nothing… and I just don’t get it, how come they allowed this movie to suck this much. This is one of the movies that yah forget you’re watching it even if you’re watching it at that same moment.
It’s forgettable in the truest sense of the word. Like they have no idea how to make a movie.
What movie are we talking about again? Ah, right, Roderick’s Petrang Kabayo. I think the main problem here is the script it’s just pathetic and unacceptable. And then, there’s the stiff acting, the mediocre direction and ordinary visual effects.
Don’t waste your time on this one; you’ll just regret it. Unless of course you’re the dumb guy I mentioned earlier who’s not in for the story but plainly the action, then go see this movie. It’ll be a spectacle for you, dumbass!

Troy (soft-core porn anyone?)

Title:
Troy (B)
Actors:
Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Diane Kruger, Peter O’Toole, Brian Cox
Writer/Director:
David Benioff / Wolfgang Petersen,

Set 3000 years ago, when the men wear skirts, women wear corsets and the people die under one person’s command. Helen (Diane Kruger), the woman married to Menalaus (Brendan Gleeson), the king of Sparta who after three nights of quickies with Paris (Orlando Bloom), the prince of Troy, absconds with him. Agamemnon (Brian Cox), brother of Menalaus, took the chance to finally preside over the great walled Troy and sailed to the land of unconquered. With them is the greatest Greek warrior Achilles (Brad Pitt), famished for blood, he led them to their first victory. Patroclus (Garrett Hedlund), Achilles’ cousin was killed by Hector (Eric Bana), prince of Troy, which led to his return to battle. Achilles kills Hector and wreak havoc on the city using the ever-famous wooden Real Top. Legolas, I mean Paris, “regains” his honor by shooting arrows to the enemies behind the walls and killing Achilles. The movie ends and I’m hungry…
Where shall I start, oh yes, of course, the horse, the star of the movie, it gave a brilliant performance. It was very convincing.
On a serious note, this movie is nothing more than a soft-core porn technological crap.
I have wanted to see this movie for months, and after seeing it, I felt nothing but utter discontent. The first 5 minutes of the movie I was squirming for the director in the way he handled the movie. It was like watching a Hallmark Special. The cameras were not shrewdly used: the cinematography was average and the close-ups were droll. The score felt nothing but a solo ahhhhh… ahhhhh…. Which brings me back to it’s being a soft-core porn. First, we met Achilles naked with two women in his bed, and then we saw Paris and Helena talk dirty, then Kruger show her ass and Paris his medium-built body. Then, we saw Pitt took off his skirt and show more flesh, then Bana does the same (it’s a tight competition), then Pitt does it again, sorry guys, no more Kruger. (I didn’t pay much attention, as you can notice). The point is, well yah their Greeks, they love running around naked, but I think the only purpose it served is to make the movie more interesting to see cuz there’s nothing more to see. The story is a classic, you can’t argue with that it’s an epic for Pete’s sake (who’s Pete anyway?) but it didn’t felt like it, in fact you feel nothing from the movie except libido (which is nice but I’m looking for more). You won’t even feel awe in what you’re seeing cuz it’s an epic made by technology, it felt like you’re watching a video game.
If there’s one thing commendable in this movie, it’s Bana, who for the very first time I highly appreciated in his acting. This is his movie. He may not have the perfect physique like Pitt but who cares about that. This is his movie. He gave the movie all the things it needed: emotion, struggle, conflict and great acting feat. I never liked him as an actor, especially in the worst comic-based movie ever made (it’s a four-letter word). I may have appreciated him in Black Hawk Down but in this movie I was flabbergasted.
For me to say that Pitt gave a mediocre performance will be the biggest accolade he’ll get. Don’t be mad at me Pittniacs, I’m just telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help him GOD!!! Give him my talent and give his looks to me, that’ll be fair. Just to be objective, the scene where he was crying at Hector’s corpse, he did not shed a single tear! He looked like Bonjing who had his lollipop stolen. It’s a hideous sight. Don’t’ get me wrong, I’m a Pitt fan, I sincerely think he’s one of the most underrated actors around but he was a failure in this movie.
Is it worth the watch? If seeing larger than life soft-core porn is your agenda, it’s a must-see but if you’re expecting to see a movie of substance, just hit Homer’s books and read the Iliad, it’ll be more worth it.

van helsing (first times are really memorable)

Title:
Van Helsing (B-)
Actors:
Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale
Writer/Director:


SINOP-SIS!!! Dracula is back in the big screen, this time sought by the gutsy combatant sent by the Order of the Pink Dressed Friars from Vatican…. The plucky warrior is Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), who besides the fact that he loves slaughtering monsters, a catholic and has a humor of a jock is a man looking for his befuddled past, which by the way will remain to be baffled…. Together with his newfound love he’s bound to protect (this is so atypical), they stop Dracula from the menace he’s about to instigate to the people of Transylvania.
I was not looking forward to seeing this film… because after seeing the trailer, I knew that it would bring nothing but sheer disappointment, I was not lock, stock and barrel right but I’m not left….
I mean wrong….
It was a visually enjoying film… plot wise, it was very interesting… it’s the first time you’ll see Dracula, Frankenstein and Mr. Hyde in one movie (at least for me), but as gripping as it may seem in the beginning, it’ll slowly lose it’s audience in the duration of the movie.
It was on the verge of becoming a horrendous movie, the dialogues are cheesy, the editing has lapses, and the visual effects are not as clean as you expect them to be. The cinematography was good but the photography is abysmal, I had a glimpse of the boom mike more than twice. The sound is not good enough. At some points, the movie makes a riveting comeback but it cannot sustain it…. It goes back to being slow, absurd and perplexing.
Jackman gave an okay performance, there’s nothing really much to work at since the script did not delve into his character, same goes with Kate Beckinsale who I saw last clashing with the werewolves in Underworld, now she’s skirmishing the vampires, talk about sudden change of heart.
Watching this movie with your friends will be good because making noise will not be much of a disturbance, because there’s nothing much to listen or pay attention to.
The funny thing about this movie is that the concept of when a man shifts into a monster of some sort, the clothing they wore remained intact, or the pants becomes shorts. With today’s technology, I strongly believed that a brave director can rise above the challenge of making such change believable and not another knock-knack you can laugh at, I did not see that valor in this movie.
Is it worth the money? Missing it will not be your lost. They should have given me their $200M budget, and I would have made the film of all films… and run this county.